I realize that some find terms like "girlfag" and "gydyke" offensive, but as long as people do identify with them I guess they are all right.
In any case, they are much less offensive than the clinical terms"autoandrophilia" and "autogynephilia", which reduce both male and female bodied crossdreamers to self-absorbed wankers.
Female to male crossdreamers
Girlfags are like the counterpart to male to female crossdreamers.
While male to female crossdreamers dream about taking the woman's role while having sex, the girlfags want to be the proactive and dominating man.
Like most male to female crossdreamers, they are attracted to the sex opposite to their birth sex. Even if they may have a lot in common with lesbians, they are attracted to men.
Sahar puts it this way:
"Most of them want to be the penetrator, and one said to me that she feels protective over her feminine male partner. They all seem conflicted like us [male to female crossdreamers], but they have some crazy similarities to my rowing very male guy friends, in the way they talk, the way they speak about a guy's body, how they share videos and pics of hot feminine men. They really seem like females with a very male sexuality but also enjoy very feminine interests. But lastly many are very organised, they talk of giving us a flag/sign for girlfags/boydykes. And one is now developing a social platform site for us all to join. "
The following paragraph gives you an impression on how a girlfag may describe this. She wonders whether she is a drag-queen with dick-envy trapped in the body of a biological female:
"But realistically, I worried that I wouldn't be taken seriously if I came out as a femme FTM. Most of the FTM transsexuals I knew at that time cultivated big muscles and facial hair in order to look as butch as possible, and while I felt like a guy, I felt like a femme guy. The men I felt most attracted to wore skirts and eyeliner, so why couldn't I? And even if I did change my physical sex, there was no guarantee I would be accepted in the gay male community as an equal."
Defining girlfags and guydykes
In the case of the new forum, the founder, Allie, refers to a Wikipedia definition that says that a girlfag refers to a biologically female individual who feels a strong romantic or erotic attraction towards gay or bisexual men, while a guydyke refers to a biologically male person who feels a strong romantic or erotic attraction towards lesbian and bisexual women.
This is a slightly more narrow definition than the one I have used here earlier. And if this was all that was to it, there would be no point in having a forum for them to meet. They would for all practical purposes have nothing in common. A girlfag would not get much sexual traction from a gay man.
She could easily find a partner among male to female crossdreamers, however.
See also:
- On Lou Sullivan and what female to male crossdreamers mean for our understanding of autogynephilia and autoandrophilia
- Girls who will be boys; on F2M crossdreamers, autoandrophiliacs and girlfags
- Autoandrophilia makes it into the DSM-5
- Autoandrophilia, on women who fantasise about having a man's body
'The men I felt most attracted to wore skirts and eyeliner, so why couldn't I?'
ReplyDeleteI believe that instead of them actually fancying gay men, its that they fancy us! The feminine men she speaks of are actually us in a world where we were brave enough to be feminine. I for one would love to wear eyeliner and a skirt. i have alway sought to attract women by appearing strong and wearing normal masculine clothes, when actually I was trying to attract the wrong type of girls!
We all have fantasies of living with a beautiful girl, and also being nailed by some manly man. It is my firm belief that we are attracted to the masculinity is most men, but the exterior/core of a woman. These girlfags seem to embody both.
I think had we been brought up in a free tolerant world, we would all look very feminine, like bill kaulitz or gregory gorgeous(youtube), etc, but we got pushed into being very manly. So what we should look like are the very feminine gay men. however it seems that us agps are not camp. feminine without being camp.
I appear as a dominant man, and this causes me pain. If i lost all my muscle and became feminine, i think i would feel alot better about myself. Jasper gregory seems a happy man now.
Transwomen talk about feeling as though their sexualities have become more outward, i think this is because since we repress our femininity, our fantasies become more extreme. However if we wore makeup out and beautiful clothes and were seen as more vulnerable and femme, our sexualities would also change even though we didnt have the body of a female.
if we transition, we would become happier as our femininity is allowed a constant release. however we still end up in a relationship with another passive female.
I believe the real question in all of this is how do we reconcile our innate femininity with our male bodies?
I think we and the girlfags are just another new dynamic in the world. However because we have been sidelined and pushed into being 'normal', we automatically assume we have an 'inner woman' as most females have the qualities that we want to also show. But those qualities can exist in either sex. ok im beginning to babble, im rubbish in expressing myself in writing.
if anyone reads this and stongly disagrees, please say so, these ideas are not yet concrete, xx
When i go out in London, i always see girls kissing each other, but they never do it alone out of the way. They do it right in the middle of the dance floor because they are doing it for attention of the men. they are thorougly enjoying the male gaze.
ReplyDeleteIn many stories, when the nailing occurs by a big macho male, it is very very often with a beautiful woman watching, an ex or a partner. In the same way as those girls in a club, we are not only enjoying the masculinity of the male but also the female gaze.
One thing i hear from my girlfag friends is that they would love to watch their boyfriend get off with another boy.
It seems we have a sexuality that is almost the same as a females except that it is for a male body. It is our lack of experience with the existence of girlfags and our lack of femininity that makes us dream of being actual females.
again, just say if im talking rubbish x
The first thought that comes to mind over the word "girlfag" is a biological female that sexually identifies as a homosexual male.
ReplyDeleteAutoandrophilia (being a mirror-inverted structure of a co-dependant femininity in autogynephilia), is the arousal in relating to oneself through masculinity. Masculinizing narratives taking the form of strong popular cultural symbols such as becoming biologically male and developing a typically male sexuality, becoming dominant etc. But despite the appearance of masculine identification, the appearance of a male (however feminine) as the object of sexual desire, is not culturally the most masculine of orientations.
Then again there are many straight autogynephilic biological males who seem to feel uncomfortable in pushing they're fantasizing (or never think) to incorporate a typically feminine androphilic sexuality
-wxhluyp
What I fail to understand is why would the MTFs really wish to take on the passive role. Do they feel more desirable while doing so?
ReplyDeleteOr do they do it to fit themselves into a female role, as they internally identify as female?
If it is the former, it would qualify as narcissism, while if it is the latter, it would be a case of seeing the self in a sort of artificial gender portrayal so as to reinforce the self-conception of being female identified.
Same goes for the FTMs. Why do they take on the inferior role of serving?
@Janantaram
ReplyDeleteI think part of the answer lies in your question. You actually present both roles, the passive "feminine" one and the serving "masculine" one, as inferior.
But in the real world they can both be affirmative, in the sense of strengthening the person's sense of self. And it can often be hard to say who's the proactive and aggressive one, the top or the bottom.
Personally I am convinced we are facing two very basic copulation instincts here. I guess most people have them both, but some has the one more than the other.
That does not mean that crossdreamer cannot be aroused by the idea of playing the role of the stereotypical man or woman. After all, sexual turn ons are often based on various associations. A pair of tight jeans may make a man feel more masculine, while a sexy dress may make a woman feel more desirable, which some find a great turn-on.
I do not think that makes you a narcissist per se, unless you are totally unable to relate to another human being as a real person.
Feeling sexy is not a sin, but most transgender persons with a strong sense of gender confusion rarely feel sexy in real life. Their bodies do not align with their inner image of what they ought to be.
Yes Jack. So that is what my question is. So the MTFs dream of the "passive" role because they secretly wish to be sexy or desirable, or do they do it because they feel they should do it as they are female inside?
ReplyDeleteI don''t say either is wrong. Even narcissism is not wrong. Feeling sexy is not wrong. But I am just asking what idea about being in the submissive role really turns them on?
I think most crossdreamers would be really able to answer this.
I am a man who just happens to like the role of the pampered, so even if it is considered as "unmanly", I would always prefer to take on the passive role. I like the idea of being seduced.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I don't feel female, I never even considered I could be having some kind of gender issue before my submissive fantasies took place, that made me feel somewhat feminine (in the sense of feeling sexy and smooth).
But then again,not that I am a crossdreamer. So what does that make of me? I am simply someone who likes to be adored.
I would see the role of the top as inferior. In ancient times, the aristocrat males often got penetrated by the laborer class....Anyone heard the term-"Interest of the nawabs"?
But those males were not crossdreamers. They were vain and men of higher privilege. I guess our western concepts are all bogus and wrong.
However, the fact that many MTFs seek passive role in their sexual fantasies is not likely due to their desire to feel sexy or lovable(many rather fantasize being 'humiliated' as wimps/sissies by dominatrixes????)
ReplyDeleteThat must be definitely because they feel female inside and so they want to fit into the social gender role of the female by portraying to their loved ones that they are such a girl! It is certainly not due to desire to be loved as much as due to wanting to portray the self as female.
Passivity and submissiveness are simply strongly associated with femininity. It is hardly a matter of desirability, much more a matter of masochism, as the crossdream is ones self-image subjected to femininity. It is explicitly a self-conscious subjection.
ReplyDeleteTGs can sometimes be very narcissistic, but for the crossdreamer it more about a traumatic self-consciousness through femininity, which later in life becomes a point of arousal as a coping mechanism.
-wxhluyp
This is in reply to Anonymous number 1. :-) You said:
ReplyDeleteI believe that instead of them actually fancying gay men, its that they fancy us!
I think you are onto something with that. I am just learning about the "girlfag" idea and I think I really do identify as one. The idea of gay male sex turns me on, but when I read about the feelings of MtF crossdreamers, that also can actually turn me on. I think what I am attacted to is the mixture of masculine and feminine. I mean the confusion itself is attractive. I read one person's feelings of wanting to be sexually dominated, but also cherished, and I thought, I would love to give that to someone. It would make me feel strong and nurturing the way I want to.
And you also said:
I think we and the girlfags are just another new dynamic in the world. However because we have been sidelined and pushed into being 'normal', we automatically assume we have an 'inner woman' as most females have the qualities that we want to also show. But those qualities can exist in either sex.
I agree with this also. I think that in a better, freer world we would meet each other on a spectrum of sexual desires and not have to label that part of ourselves as different from our biological sex.
But on the other hand, the presence of cultural gender norms actually adds some spice by creating taboos. Would it be as much fun to play to gender games it if wasn't just a bit "dirty"? I guess we'll never know.
Bit late to the table with this comment (sorry), but I have to say, I'm a M2F crossdreamer married 7 years to a lovely woman who (I'm pretty sure) is a F2M crossdreamer (bit masculine, at any rate). I love my wife deeply, and our relationship is more fulfilling than I could've imagined.
ReplyDelete@jay
ReplyDeletei am reading Magnus Hirscfeldt's pionerr work on transvestires at the moment. In 1911 he writes this about marriage:
'In fact, most suitable would be -- which is in accordance with the wishes of these persons -- a transvestite man and a somewhat manly kind of woman, who need nit be a transvestite, or a transvestite woman to a womanly man,...'
Hey fellow crossdreamers. I'm a MtF crossdreamer or guydyke. I've asked myself if I really want to become a woman and I've come to a shocking conclusion.
ReplyDeleteI don't really feel any need to be a woman or look feminine. What I want is to be loved like a stereotypical woman. I want to be desired by a beautiful woman and be taken by her. I want to be taken by her like a traditional masculine man takes a traditional feminine woman. I want to be taken by a girlfag. Preferably a feminine looking girlfag.
I as a guydyke want a dominant feminine looking woman. And it appears to me that what girlfags or FtM crossdreamers really want is a submissive masculine looking man. Seems like girlfags and guydykes want each other. But society has conditioned each of us into believing that we must look like the opposite sex to attract the other. But that is actually the opposite of reality. Ideally I'm not looking for a butch dominant female. And it seems that girlfags aren't looking for a feminine submissive male either.
What we crossdreamers want our ideal partner to look like seems to be the same as what cis-gendered hetrosexuals want. The difference is that we want to reverse the traditional roles.
As such I don't think crossdreamers really want to be the opposite sex. I think all they simply want is to be treated like the opposite sex. I'm basing this on how I personally feel. I want to be treated like a "woman". I don't mind what my body looks like, as long as I get treated the way I want by society.
But society has pressured me to believe that the only way to be treated like a woman, is to become a woman. This is the only reason I want to have a female body. So society will finally treat me like a woman. I want to have the "female" role not only in sex, but in pretty much ALL social interaction.
My fear is that I've become completely brainwashed into believing that I need to have a female body in order to be treated the way I desire to be treated. And that now I just simply can't imagine any dominant femme woman desiring me and and "taking me".
I tried fantasizing about a femme woman desiring me so much that she takes me passionately. But it just didn't seem possible, I couldn't even imagine it. I tried looking up Femdom porn, and all I could find centered around the man being humiliated by a dominant woman. I don't want to be humiliated and dominated though, I want to be desired and dominated.
I crave female attention in the exact same way that most women crave male attention. But I'm not a woman, I simply want to be loved in a way that is traditionally reserved ONLY FOR WOMEN. I want a princess on a white horse to come and rescue me, her mansel in distress (the male version of a damsel in distress).
Right now I feel like I would do whatever it takes to be treated by society as a woman. If that means transitioning completely and attracting dominant males that could work for me, even though I'm not really strongly attracted to men. But if I could somehow have a male body and attract dominant females that might work for me as well.
My problem is that it is NOT just sexual for me. Having a dominant female partner might help me a lot. But the rest of society will still view and treat me as a man. But I don't really feel any need to transition just for the sake of looking like a woman. It's the social status of a woman that I desire.
I'm really frustrated right now and don't know what to do. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
@Allassandra
ReplyDelete"As such I don't think crossdreamers really want to be the opposite sex. I think all they simply want is to be treated like the opposite sex."
You bring up a very interesting point.
Could it be that crossdreamers and (at least some) transsexuals, dream of having the body of the opposite biological sex, simply because society tells them that this is the only way they can have sex as the biological opposite sex?
In other words: They are not really transsexual in the sense of having the sex identity of the opposite sex. They are rather transsexual in the sense of having the gender identity of the opposite gender.
They want to have sex as the opposite sex, or -- as you point out-- they want to be treated as the opposite sex.
That may perfectly well be the case for many transgender people. If you say that this is your experience, I believe you.
When I hesitate to generalize on the basis of this observation, it is mainly because I find the reports of strong gender dysphoria I get from transsexuals very convincing: Their suffering goes far beyond a disphoria anchored in sexual practice. Theirs is truly cases of having the wrong body.
I must also admit that I experience my own dysphoria as more than a desire for being treated as a woman or being "the bottom" while having sex.
That being said, I can see why some non-transsexual men and women may chose to transition, if that is the only option left for them if they want to be treated the way their inner gender tells them.
Androphilic MTF crossdreamers may play the role of the effeminate gay man and find a place in the gay community.
For a gynephilic MTF crossdreamer like yourself that is much harder. If you play the role of the gay man, the heterosexual women won't find you interesting. If you play the role of the effeminate straight man, they will still believe you are gay.
The solution is probably found in the companionship of female bodied crossdreamers, if you are able to find them.
Sorry, I am not very helpful, I know. This is a very old dilemma. See my post on John O.
@ Jack
ReplyDeleteYeah I've had a change of mind as well on the subject. I think for some people it might just be enough if society was different or if they could have sex in a certain way.
But I recently found out for myself that it is not the case and that I am transsexual. There is just more to it, I can't really explain it. It's a combination of the social role, the body parts, the sex, everything.
I'm pretty sure I want to transition now and I'm going to be working towards it.
Maybe if society was different or I could somehow find the right partner I could be much happier with being a man. But I don't think it would completely eliminate the dysphoria, just reduce it to such an extend where it might be tolerable. But since neither a different society and finding a partner are likely, I feel like transitioning is my best option.
@Jack
ReplyDelete"They are not really transsexual in the sense of having the sex identity of the opposite sex. They are rather transsexual in the sense of having the gender identity of the opposite gender."
I don't quite agree with you on this point because my sexual roles don't necessarily hamper either my sex identity or my gender identity as male. It is just that as a manly man, I am not allowed a certain kind of role I really find delicious.
I take on roles as the 'bottom' as I like to be desired by a man (or a woman), in that way. I cannot be dominant and do the same thing,so I identify with females for enjoying romantic and sexual roles.That said, I still feel male to the core though I enjoy taking the social role as feminine. I love to portray I am a male who is feminine, even very very sensual when it comes to sexual roles. perhaps due to being highly sensitive or sensual but still male.
But I don't think this makes my 'gender-identity' female. It makes my 'gender-identity' as a femmme male, but definitely not female or even 'androgynous'.
In conservative societies such as Muslim cultures where the man is strictly required to adhere to strict sexual roles, I might desire to very much transition,even if I have zero identity as female. But, that is due to the fact that I don't feel sexually or sensually satisfied.
However, with the advent of male consumerism and metrosexuality, I no longer feel I need to be forcefully female to enjoy the sex role I want, which is that of a emo boy now.
So, in conservative cultures, a cis-gender may want to transition not due to gender identity issues but sexual or emotional factors which have little to do with the sex identity.
"I want a princess on a white horse to come and rescue me, her mansel in distress (the male version of a damsel in distress)"---> @Alassandra, aww this is the cutest thing i have ever heard from a boy. I melt! i wish i could be that princess in a white horse for my guydyke.♥ I hope he sees me that way.
ReplyDelete@Alassandra Yours first comment made me so happy but the last one made me sad; sorry if that sound mean! No offense... it is just that being a ftm crossdreamer i find way more attractive a man who embraces his feminine side: there's nothing sexier than it for me... i respect ur points of view about ur own life, of course... u know what makes u happier after all. But u should give urself more chances before trying the hardest and most radical solution. Transition is something serious and irreversible at a certain point. Personally, when I was younger, I would glorify being a man and despise everything is womanly in me... but now in my early 30's I can say my expectatives about being a man were unrealistic: much of them were just fantasies being fed by my high sex drive and porn. Currently I feel at peace with my female body bc i have found satisfactory ways to express my masculinity without transition or even becoming a butch. Anyway i wish u luck and happiness if transition is ur path.
ReplyDelete@ GinebraX
ReplyDeleteMaybe in a better society I could be happy in my male body and being just a MtF crossdreamer. The problem is that I really desire the parts as well as the social and sexual role. I don't hate my penis, but I'd rather have the female parts.
I just don't feel comfortable engaging in "flirting" while I still have a penis and am perceived as a male. Perhaps if I had a really understanding partner, but because of my passive and submissive sexual preference this seems a near impossibility.
Also, after accepting being a trans-woman my sex drives has somewhat reduced. I need less crossdreaming to keep the gender-dysphoria in check. To me this is just another clear sign that the desire is not just sexual.
I was also never happy with my body, even if you consider my face is quite okay and I'm tall, which is good for a male I guess. I've been overweight at times but even when I was at a healthy weight I never felt good about myself. Now that I look into the mirror and think of it as a womans body and try to imagine some of the further feminization I could get from HRT I am really happy with myself for the first time ever. The only problem I have is with my face, which I find too masculine. I would love to have a feminine face.
I don't know for sure if I will get the SRS. But right now I feel like I need it.
There is nothing called as a certain kind of sexual desire which is independent of the emotions and the mind.
ReplyDeleteEvery kind of sexual desire,of whatever sexual orientation,comes deep from the mind, from some emotional center of the brain,which if you trace back to early childhood, was essentially non-sexual but a deep sweet emotion.
If a boy had tender feelings for boys at age 6 without any desire for sex of course, his feelings will become heightened with sexual libidinal energy by the time he reaches 12. And he will grow up to be gay.
Similarly, a female brained male would have had deep seated feminine emotions right from early childhood which would get eroticized after puberty, into a form called 'Autogynpehilia',making the person a transgender.
The problem is that science only bothers about the outward manifestations of sexuality, but not the emotions underneath.
My father says everyone has some or the other kind of sexual urges and it is better to repress them or kill them if not socially right.
However, I know this is so wrong. Killing sexuality means killing the underlying emotions and that would reduce one to a mere mortal, kind of a dead machine.
In short, sexuality (unless just pure lust), is all about very deep and rich emotions which form the basis of one's self-identity.
@Juanita
ReplyDeleteYes!!! I think you are absolutely right!
And most of our suffering does indeed come from us and others repressing our sexual feelings. This is not necessarily about acting on them, but recognizing them and accepting them.
In the end it is about the ability to love oneself. In spite of what the so-called "experts" say, crossdreamers rarely love themselves.
@Alassandra: I understand you point, but why you say it is impossible to find an understanding partner? there are lots of girlfags/ftm crossdreamers in the internet dreaming of a partner like u and all the sexy mtf crossdreamers here...
ReplyDeletein the girlfag livejournal there are lots of them... even just having friends of the opposite sex that are crossdreamers help a lot, believe me! :)
I still think transition is a painful way to achieve our dreams and there's the possibility u won't pass or you will lose your ability to orgasm...
it is funny that my main problem with my ex bfs (that were straight cismen) was the treatment i used to give them: i used to treat them as they were girls and they hated it or misunderstood it... nowadays i give that special treatment only to women/mtf crossdreamers and i can be very rude to cismen for this reason but they find it ok as i am being manly in this so i have found a balance in my social life
I really think masculine beauty is the best: most honest. Our female beauty is a kind a bit of a "fakery": just notice how embarrased are girls of appearing without make up in public? just see those celebrities without make up, without all those surgeries, all those fancy clothes... they r nothing! and don't forget 90% of females suffer from the horrible cellylite! on the other hand, do beautiful/handsome boys need make up to look hot? NO!!!! do they suffer from celullite?? NO:) that is one of the many reasons why i worship male beauty (like wise ancient greek did)
anyway, i don't pretend u think like i do, dear, but i wish i could help u showing u other points of view before u make a radical decision.
"the end it is about the ability to love oneself. In spite of what the so-called "experts" say, crossdreamers rarely love themselves. "
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if I agree. I love my personality, the inside, the mind, the soul. Whatever you want to call it. It's the body that I loathe. It's an inadequate tool for the purpose of my soul. I can improvise somewhat with this tool, but its an inadequate tool still. If there was a way to fix the tool a bit I would take that chance. Which is why I am considering HRT and full transition from MtF, it seems like the best way to improve the tool that was given to me at birth.
"understand you point, but why you say it is impossible to find an understanding partner? there are lots of girlfags/ftm crossdreamers in the internet dreaming of a partner like u and all the sexy mtf crossdreamers here..."
It's going to be hard to find a partner. But not just that. I don't feel sexy, there is nothing about my body that I really like. I'm not sure if I could love someone in a physical (sexual) way when I do not love my physical self.
"I still think transition is a painful way to achieve our dreams and there's the possibility u won't pass or you will lose your ability to orgasm..."
I don't know if transitioning will help, but right now it seems the only and most likely option for me to take.
"Anyway, i don't pretend u think like i do, dear, but i wish i could help u showing u other points of view before u make a radical decision."
Thats the essence of the problem I guess. We both worship each others body, so we can't understand why the other would want to change it.
I don't want to marginalize your issues in life. But I'd say in our current (western) society it is much easier for FtM crossdreamers to express themselves. It's perfectly okay for you to dress manly and act more manly. But for me to wear a dress is a big no-no. I'm not saying its easy, but I am a bit more constrained in the ways I can express myself.
My biggest problem is one is not shared by all MtF crossdreamers. It is extremely hard for me to feel like a 'woman' and feel delicate, soft and vulnerable. I'm 6'5" tall and my bone structure is moderately heavy as well. I feel like an ugly gorilla. I feel like the world sees me like this as well and it makes me feel horrible.
I think of how I used to look as a kid. I was the slimmest kid, including all the girls. I had a friendly, cute and girly face. It makes me sad that inside this cute little kid was a huge man. I was never unhappy with my body until puberty. Maybe if I was a short slim man I could be happy, but I'm not.
I know it must sound horrible to you that I want to change my body. You'd probably love to be tall and big. I'd probably kill to look like you, because whatever you look like, the fact that you have XX chromosomes means it's probably better then what I have right now.
I can't fix the length or the bone structure. But hormones and surgery can certainly make me look more soft and feminine. I do worry that it will not be enough to compensate for my height and bone structure, and that I will be seen as an even bigger freak then I already feel like now. But I think my own perception of myself is more important, so I just have to try.
I don't agree with the stuff about make-up and feminine beauty being fake. I've known a few girls that didn't wear much make-up and most people considered them mediocre looking or even ugly. I would love to look like those girls, I thought they were pretty. I can appreciate male beauty, but I don't want it myself.
Jack,
ReplyDeleteI have always wondered, since many M2Fs watch shemale porn, what the equivalent for F2Ms are? I know there are guys like Buck Angel for example but is there something more prevalent in form of TG captions or is there some kind of porn F2Ms prefer? I haven't really examined that much.
@Sam
ReplyDeleteI am preparing a blog post on lesbian crossdreamer, reading lesbian erotica and sex guides.
Some of the stories and fantasies presented have much in common with MTF transfan erotica. There are stories of butches dressing up as men, packing strap-ons, and refering to them as their penis. This may be related to the phenomenon of lesbian women watching gay porn, as I wrote about a while ago. Other lesbians are attracted to these gender expressions.
I know that some would say that that is all there is -- gender expressions. But there is far to much sexual desire involved for me to believe that is the case for all. Indeed, some of the butches playing these games do end up ar trans men, and having a sex life in line with their real selves is one of many factors motivating them.
I hope I will have that post ready in a few months.
Hello everyone. I don't know if this post will be ever read so long after, but we'll see.
ReplyDeleteSince about forever i felt like i was as manly as all the boys of my age, a bit of a tomboy, doing judo for 8 years. In high school, hormones i think make me a bit more feminine than before i were skirts but never stops the combat trousers. I've always been kind of "gentleman" as strange as it can be. I didn't knew if i was lesbian asexual or if i didn't find the good man.
I don't know if i fit perfectly in the girlfags category but what i can say is that it happen to me many time to imagine me as the man in gay or straight relations. The point is that i don't really think changing sex or dating someone who obviously will not be interessed in me. I want to by allowed to act as a men, not only in private, but everywhere. I think there is here some people who will understand that and it makes me happy. I'd really love to live with a guy who is more feminine than me, and i'd have no problem treating as a woman if he wants me to, i already have some friend that i treat in a much more "feminine" way, beacause they act so.
A other thing that makes me laugh a bit: the princess on a horse. Since i'm a child, i've always dream as myself being the knight in armor fighting the dragon, and i was as far as possible from the stereotypical princess dream. I dreamt of swords(and i admit i still am) and people to save and help!
A last word to thank the creators of this website, letting me know that i'm not alone!
All my excuses for grammar mistakes i'm still learning english (i'm french)
Having just recently learned that there is a name for this I'm instantly certain it describes me perfectly. Mind blown. A LOT of baggage just dropped off my shoulder.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who always felt "like 90% cisgender hetero dude" I had never put much conscious thought into what exactly "the other 10%" was. Just sort of accepting it and simultaneously denying it a bit out of guilt.
Guilt from what I thought was a messed up appropriation or fetishization of someone else's identity. Because the only way I could explain my own gender identity sounds exactly like the kind of crap old dudes say when they think they're being funny about "PC culture" but really they're just being annoying and mean.
That description is: "Like I was a tomboyish little girl who became a lesbian and then realized she was transgender and had FtM surgery shortly after puberty... only I was born in a man's body."
I mean if someone said that to me I'd think they were being a jackass about gender stereotypes... but that's actually how I feel. This also explains why those old dude jokes always really hurt.
An outside observer would describe my sexual activity as heterosexual with me as the man. But even though physically that feels right to me, the emotional nature of the connection does (obviously not with every single partner) feel more like a lesbian relationship. I once felt like I ended a relationship because she was "too straight" and have let some end because she was "too girly." Also, while most of my friends in general are men, most of my really really close friends are women; usually lesbians.
I myself do not like crossdressing. I never thought it was wrong and I never understood why some people did, but it just never felt like something I was into. My style is basically cargos or dockers and a nerdy t shirt with a hoodie. So dude-like but not exactly gendered. If I HAVE to dress up, it's a suit not a dress.
In addition, I've always been very strongly drawn to tomboyish and butch women. Never been attracted to men, even effeminate or androgynous ones. Though my middle school mutual crush did transition to male after college. The problem is that, obviously, this means my ideal romantic partner is not likely to be someone interested in a physical or romantic relationship.
I never cared much for labels and I've always understood the concept that gender is a spectrum, but knowing there IS a label for my spot on it is incredibly meaningful. Now I know it's not some stupid "Oh you only want what you can't have!" BS, I feel like I actually know what it is I need and I have a clearer understanding of myself at the same time. Also that I'm not alone and there are SOME compatible people out there.
Cool!!!
Thanks Internet!
Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteYes, there is something completely liberating by learning to know that you are not alone. I have learned to know that there is an amazing amount of diversity in queer and transgender circles. I am actually also starting to suspect that the 'normal' guy or the 'completely straight' woman do not exist, except in theory.
I identify as trans, specifically a (female-bodied) demiboy and also queer. I think I have a lot in common with girlfags even though I don't really like the term, neither do I share the fascination with gay male imagery. It's more about love to me, it's not that sexual.
ReplyDeleteGiven my gender "condition", I feel highly uncomfortable in a "straight" relatioship with a man. It feels very wrong to me to be treated as a woman in the relationship, because man, i feel as a boy too! Same-sex relationships are more appealing to me. It might sound weird but I would prefer to have a "lesbian" relationship (yep, not a "gay male" relationship) with a feminine and protective guydyke. If only I knew where to find one (or more so I could have a choice at least, haha).
" I would prefer to have a "lesbian" relationship (yep, not a "gay male" relationship) with a feminine and protective guydyke"
ReplyDeleteYou know what? I think this is much more common than most people think. The problem is that we never talk about such feelings, which makes it impossible for MTFs and FTMs to find each other and figure it out. Hopefully this will become better in the future.
Do you have any ideas about how we can make that happen?
I think the only way to make that happen is medialization of authentic stories of people like us. Not scientific theories, but real stories. This would help other people like us find out who they are for themselves and then come out. Also, to put a unifying name on what we are (I see there's a lot of diversity, so there should be an umbrella term for that) would help as well. It is always helpful to have a word for a certain set of feelings.
ReplyDeleteI think there should be a movement organized for that. Perhaps we should take inspiration from other letters of the LGBT+ community. It's gotten so much better for gays and lesbians, so why wouldn't for us, especially when we don't have to fight for our legal rights as the LGBs have to? We have it much easier than them.
Real stories. I agree! We have actually done a lot already. This site contains a lot of life stories (although, amdittedly, the majority of them MTF), as does the Crossdream Life forum.
ReplyDeleteI also believe we can achieve a lot under the T in LGBT. If we can get the whole transgender community to be more open about the sexuality of trans people, things will be easier. I think we are slowly getting there.
Yeah, I am so grateful for that. I hope that our stories will somehow reach the general public (who still believe that the T in the LGBT encompasses only binary trans people who wish to have a sex change). However, it won't happen out of the blue. How could we make THAT happen?
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