She tells the story of how she became aware of her transgender condition:
"I can't say how old I was, but I might have been around 10 years old. My family had gone to one of the local Blockbusters in the area for whatever reason and I remember that I was wandering around by myself. The one thing from that trip that sticks out in my memory was when I came across a certain movie. The movie, which I now realize was Dr. Jeckyl and Ms. Hyde, had a man turning into a woman on the cover. I believe that I was able to remember the gist of the title all these years, but I cannot honestly remember if that was added later on or not. But anyways, this movie stuck out to me before I had any idea what my interests in sexuality, being and other stuff were."
You will find that a lot of crossdreamers find a way of conceptualizing their transgender nature through popular culture. Younger generations are -- for instance -- inspired by the Japanese manga series Ranma 1/2, about a boy who due to some magic often changes into a girl.
In this there is no difference between crossdressers and crossdreamers who live as men on the one hand and transwomen and transmen on the other, as the conditions most likely are related. The dreams of magic potions, genies, lamps and spells give the crossdreamer a way to explore his/her inner woman or man in his/her mind.
These dreams can also become sexualized (which is why the term "autogynephilia" came up in the first place, meaning "love of oneself as a woman"). Indeed many transwomen admit that they have had such dreams, but that they disappear after transitioning. My guess is that as they can explore their sexuality as a woman in real life, the crossdreams lose their emotional energy.
There was another movie called Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde made in the early 1970s. When I was around 10, all I had to do was read the description of that film in the TV listings. That was my first realization that the idea of tchanging sex was a turn-on for me. Every so often it would show on late-night broadcast TV, but I believe on either Channel 9 or 11 in New York City, and I obsessed about it for years (until I finally saw it one late night). I would scan the TV listings for it and I would have to catch my breath whenever I saw it listed, but I was usually asleep by the time it aired, and I had no television in my bedroom. Then there was the movie "Switch" with Ellin Barkin and Jimmy Smits, where some guy is reincarnated as a female--that came to the theaters in 1991, when I was around 20. I actually was so deeply closeted that I went to see it in a movie theater in Manhattan, NYC (my family lived in Staten Island, NY), found a multiplex where there was a matinee showing, but I purhchased a ticket to "Dances with Wolves" in the adjacent screening room, and then snuck into "Switch", so I could have plausible deniability that I went into the wrong theater. I was too embarrassed to actually ask for a ticket to a movie with a plot about a sex change. By the time Dr Jeckyll and Ms Hyde came out, I worked up the courage to rent it, but I was always worried that the title showed up in my rental history and that I was being judged,
ReplyDeleteThat fear of being caught watching a movie like that says a lot about the guilt we get from crossdreaming fantasies.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that these were pretty "normal" movies watched by "regular" people, and no one would have suspected anything if you had been caught watching them.
I can also remember watching "Switch" with great fascination. It made my own dreams tangible, so to speak. But it also made the pain and sorrow more present.
Among other gender bender movies, we find the recent romantic comedy It's a Boy Girl Thing.
There is an Indian version of Switch!
As for other non-pornographic gender bender movies, Zerophilia seems to have been made by a crossdreamer.
The same applies to Identity Theft.
There is also a recent controversial horror film exploring the theme. Pedro Almodovar's latest movie is apparently another take on the same topic.
Take also a look at Mako's Video Blog over at YouTube. He (at times she) covers the gender change movie and TV scene quite thoroughly.