10 Great Books on Sex, Gender and Sexuality

In this third part of my "must read gender/transgender books" series, I look at books that discuss sex and gender in general.

Illustration by Olyzel

Much of the pain gender variant people go through is caused by the fact that their family, friends and surrounding society do not understand them.

The reason they do not understand them is that they are trapped in a binary narrative that tells them that men and women are two different species with completely different temperaments, abilities and modes of behavior. Anyone who breaks with this binary is therefore mentally ill.

Recent research, in the social sciences as well as in biology, tells us that this strict binary is wrong on many levels. What is considered proper gender expressions varies tremendously between cultures and over time.

Moreover, it turns out nature is nothing like what your school text books told you. Did you for instance know that the bonobos, our closest relative, has a matriarchal society run by females? They solve conflicts by having a lot of sex with each other, regardless of age or gender. The next time someone tells you gay sex is "unnatural", tell them about the bonobos.

Click here for part 1 of this series!

Here are some of the books I recommend:

Evolution's Rainbow: Diversity, Gender, and Sexuality in Nature and People, by Joan Roughgarden

Those who follow nature programs on TV know the script: Violent and aggressive males stalk weak and passive females in an everlasting tale of evolutionary brutality. This narrative is then used to make fun of "feminine" men.

Roughgarden shows us a natural world that is nothing like the gender stereotypes of traditional evolutionary biology.

Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality, by Anne Fausto-Sterling

Myths Of Gender: Biological Theories About Women And Men, by Anne Fausto-Sterling

Like Roughgarden, Fausto-Sterling is good at seeing through the stereotypes of natural science. Most of the differences between men and women are created by culture and not by nature, Fausto-Sterling argues.

A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the Internet Tells Us About Sexual Relationships, by Ogi Ogas and  Sai Gaddam

Evolution's Rainbow, nature revised

I use this book mainly to debunk myths about female sexuality. Male to female crossdreamers and trans women are constantly accused of expressing a male sexuality simply because they get sexually aroused from time to time. This book tells us that women are as sexually diverse and sexually driven as men. 

Straight, the Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality, by Hanne Blank

This books contains the fascinating tale about how heterosexuality was created by scientists in the 19th century.

There had obviously been same-sex sexual relationships before this time, but no one had thought of it as a biologically given and unchangeable basis for sexual attraction. The term was created as a way of pathologizing homosexuality and gender transgressions, Blank argues.

Making Sex, Body and Gender from the Greeks to Freud, by Thomas Laqueur

Laquer's book explores the same landscape as the book above. Laqueur argues that the binary model of two different sexes is a modern idea.

Pre-modern societies had strict rules about how men and women should dress and behave, but these were based on religious and social requirements and laws, not on the idea that men and women were fundamentally biologically different.

There was only one gender, the male one, and women were considered underdeveloped and weak versions of men. If you think this sounds unbelievable you must read this book. He is definitely on to something.

Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference, by Cordelia Fine

Another fascinating book explains why much of what is presented as objective research is simply gender stereotyping in disguise.

Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps -- And What We Can Do About It, by Lise Eliot 

Eliot takes biological research on sex and gender seriously, but her main message is that most of the gender differences we see are caused by upbringing and cultural conditioning.

Sex Differences: Developmental and Evolutionary Strategies, by Linda Mealey

This book is presented as "an advanced text for courses in evolutionary and human biology, psychology, and sexuality and gender studies." And so it is.

Gender Trouble, by Judith Butler

I have a love/hate relationship to post-structuralist philosophy. I use it to demask the demagoguery of transphobia. Still, this approach's inability to  include possible biological components influencing our personality and gender identity is extremely limiting.

Butler tries to replace biology with some kind of post-Freudian psychoanalysis, which unfortunately leads to a lot of unfounded speculation. And yes, I really, really, wish she was better at communicating. This is a hard read, but an important point of reference.

Besides, the feminist Judith Butler is a strong supporter of trans people.

The History of Sexuality, by Michel Foucault

Foucault is by far the most influential post-modern philosopher and "historian of mentalities", and the three volumes of his History of Sexuality has influenced a lot of the studies that came after.

The main message is that sexuality must always be framed within a historical and cultural context. Unfortunately the books are mostly about European antiquity, which gives them a rather narrow scope.

Please add a comment if there are other books you have found helpful and interesting. I will add them to the permanent list of trans-relevant books.

Part 1: 13 books on Crossdressing, Crossdreaming and Gender Variance

Part 2: 12 Essential Books on Transgender and Queer
Part 3:  10 Great Books on Sex, Gender and Sexuality