Natalie Wynn, also known as ContraPoints, has posted an interesting video about the relationship between incel culture and the way some crossdreamers and transgender people experience their lives.
Unless you have been living under a cosy and warm rock for the last few years, you will know that incels, or "involuntary celibates", represents a sub-culture of seriously depressed and self-loathing men who think they are inevitable losers in the game of love.
They think of themselves as unattractive and pathetic "betas" who cannot beat the alpha-males regardless of much they try.
This is mostly because feminism has given women too much power, they say. The women can now go for the alpha-males, all the time. And if a woman does marry a "loser," she will always cheat on him with the mentioned alpha "Chad".
The return of skull measurements
All of this despair is sometimes mixed up with a pseudo-scientific philosophy based on old-fashioned phrenology and eugenics, where the shape of your skull tells you whether you are a winner or not.
The idea is that women are attracted to hypermasculine men with hypermasculine skulls. This understanding is based, I suppose, on quasi-Darwinistic theories where masculine looks signal that the man is a protector with good genes. You know, in the way the male with the biggest tail is the coolest dude on the block in the world of peacocks.
This leads to a psychological no-win situation for those who believe they have a feminine, weak, skull. If this is the case, there seems to be literally nothing you can do to find true love and happiness. Your inferiority is inborn. End of story.
In real life, nearly all men have a shot at love
When you have lived as long as I have, you know that this is a pile of sexist, misogynistic and simplistic bullshit. I believe that all the men I grew up with as a kid, have found love at one time or another – many of them two, three or four times!
Most of them have procreated, and are therefore winners in the evolutionary race, if you care for that sort of thing.
The same is true for most of the women I have known in my life.
I am not saying that their lives have been rosy or that there have not been complications. There always are. But to me they prove that there is someone for everyone, if you keep looking.
The great majority of my childhood male acquaintances were never "alpha males" in the stereotypic muscular, superattractive and hypermasculine way, in the same way very few of their partners were blonde bimbo-like "Stacys", as the incels call their idea of feminine superiority.
I think, in fact, that the reason so many of the men I knew at the time did succeed, was precisely because the women they lived and live with are not bimbos, but real, complex human beings. As are they.
Alt-right terminology
The incel way of thinking is clearly associated with the hypermasculine ideals of the extreme right. Popular American right wing terms reflect a similar view of dominance and submission.
In the alt-right lingo "beta males" are weak and emasculated. "Cucks" are treacherous conservatives, a term that refer to inferior men who are cuckolded by their women. "Masculinists" celebrate "manliness" and the traditional "heroic" nature of men.
But the despair is real and understandable
Since I was pretty nerdy myself when young, I know the experience they are describing: the despair and loneliness and also how easy it is to wallow in that feeling.
Natalie Wynn does too, which is why she begs everyone who are caught up in the online incel forums to get out of there before it is too late.
Please note that I am not saying that the social exclusion of incels is all in their heads. People can be ruthless, and the more a society values stereotypical hypermasculine traits and behaviors, the easier it is for bullies, male or female, to use those stereotypes to put others down.
I have lost count of how many times I was called a "sissy" or a "girl" when I was a kid. If you were bad a sports, you were a loser for sure.
The problem with incel culture is that they have adopted these stereotypes, and that stops incels from seeing the amazing diversity of humanity, and the fact that a large number of women find the Chads primitive and superficial. They just as often fall for humor, brains or kindness.
Alphas and betas and crossdreamer fantasies
Natalie draws an interesting parallell between the incel obsession with skull shapes and the transgender fear of not passing. In the same way incels have their deepest insecurities amplified in such forums, male to female crossdreamers and transgender people may too.
Indeed, you can find quite a few gender variant people in these forums, as Natalie points out. This participation often stops them from moving on in life. If you are told over and over again that you look too masculine to be ever able to pass as a woman, you may easily end up in the same kind of emotional paralysis as the incels.
(Natalie was told the same thing, by the way, and look at her now!)
The irony is of course, that it is the Chad type who would face the biggest problem if they wanted to transition and live like a woman, but again: Theories like these are never truly rational.
Sissy incels
There is one aspect of the connection between incel philosophy and gender variant lives Natalie does not bring up. This is how this sexist and misogynistic view of both men and women may influence the erotic fantasies of crossdreamers. Such fantasies are most clearly expressed in the "sissy" subculture.
As I have said repeatedly on this blog: The sexual fantasies of most people are weird and full of clichés and stereotypes. They are fantasies, and most people are able to distinguish between fantasies and real life.
This is why, for instance, some people engage in sexual role play, where the roles are taken out of cliché-ridden movies, books, porn or soap operas, not real life (like in sexy nurses and muscular plumbers). People in the BDSM community do not confuse sexual submission with social submission. In other words: Having submissive feminization fantasies does not make you a bad person. But treating a woman like shit does.
There is a connection between incel philosophy and at least parts of sissy subculture erotica. You find the same dichotomy between muscular and well hung alpha males and weak and inferior beta males. It is the beta males that are feminized in such fantasies and made to serve the alphas.
My hypothesis is that such scenarios become arousing for some male to female crossdreamers, because they solve several dilemmas at the same time:
To the extent the crossdreamer sees this – and is not gender dysphoric – such fantasies are mostly harmless. For some they are an important part of the road to self-discovery. If that is the case, suppressing them would do more harm than good. For others the fantasies are just some kind of kinky spice that animates their sex life. If that's the case, let them be!
If the crossdreamer believes that these roles are real, however, and that the pseudo-Darwinistic nonsense about dominant alpha males and submissive bimbos reflects real life, the fantasies can be destructive.
For the MTF crossdreamer who is anchored in a male identity, these ideas will stop him from seeing women as they truly are, which again makes it impossible for them to establish any true love relationship with any of them.
If the MTF crossdreamer is a gender dysphoric transgender woman, she may give up finding a new life at the very start of her journey, because her female role models are both unrealistic and destructive.
The autogynephilia theory grew out of the same sexist binaries
If you wonder why some male to female crossdreamers fall for Ray Blanchard's "autogynphilia" theory, this incel/sissy paradigm may explain why.
The thinking of Blanchard and his friend and follower J. Michael Bailey has grown out of a field of science called "evolutionary psychology", which has an unbroken tradition all the way back to 19th and 20th century eugenics and racial and criminal "hygiene". He lives in a world where the main objective for all living things is healthy procreation, which leaves a very narrow room for sound and "normal" sexuality.
Like the incels, Blanchard & Co. have a very constricted views of gender roles. Successful men are masculine and attractive women are feminine. As nearly all evolutionary psychologists they belive evolution is leading towards a clearer dichotomy between the masculine and the feminine, both as regards looks and behavior.
In such a world, "men" who dream about being "women" can only be considered remotely successful if they manage to live up to the sexist stereotype of attractive women. This leaves some room for the androphilic "early onset" trans woman if she is extremely good looking, since she – according to this tragic view – is an effeminate gay man who knows how to attract straight men. ("He" is still a pervert, though, since all homosexuals are, according to this view of sex and gender.)
In sissy fantasies this scenario leaves room for a life as a feminized, sexy, "man" or desirable transgender porn star. Most MTF crossdreamers, though, do not have the potential for the hyperfeminine porn star bodies we are talking about here (in the same way most cis women don't), so they fall back onto self loathing and self flagellation.
The autogynephilia theory gives them what their feeling of inferiority demands, however: It tells them they are sexual perverts in love with their inner woman. They are "paraphiliacs" suffering from an "erotic target location error", unable to find true love out in the real world. Heck, Blanchard even believes the condition is inborn. The crossdreamer therefore becomes the ultimate incel. There is nothing to be done.
If they are stuck in that hell hole, the crossdreamers will – obviously – not even try to find love, seemingly confirming what Blanchard says. They are "autoerotic narcissists". Besides: What woman would be attracted to a male to female crossdreamer, right? (Quite a few, it turns out, but this is not about reality.) It all becomes a self fulfilling prophesy, just like in the world of incels.
I think we constantly underestimate the kind of damage such theories and narratives can do to a person, which is why we constantly and persistently have to provide our transgender sisters and brothers with alternative stories and concepts.
(Thanks to Lain for drawing my attention to the ContraPoints video).
 |
| Natalie Wynn, AKA ContraPoints |
Unless you have been living under a cosy and warm rock for the last few years, you will know that incels, or "involuntary celibates", represents a sub-culture of seriously depressed and self-loathing men who think they are inevitable losers in the game of love.
They think of themselves as unattractive and pathetic "betas" who cannot beat the alpha-males regardless of much they try.
This is mostly because feminism has given women too much power, they say. The women can now go for the alpha-males, all the time. And if a woman does marry a "loser," she will always cheat on him with the mentioned alpha "Chad".
The return of skull measurements
All of this despair is sometimes mixed up with a pseudo-scientific philosophy based on old-fashioned phrenology and eugenics, where the shape of your skull tells you whether you are a winner or not.
The idea is that women are attracted to hypermasculine men with hypermasculine skulls. This understanding is based, I suppose, on quasi-Darwinistic theories where masculine looks signal that the man is a protector with good genes. You know, in the way the male with the biggest tail is the coolest dude on the block in the world of peacocks.
This leads to a psychological no-win situation for those who believe they have a feminine, weak, skull. If this is the case, there seems to be literally nothing you can do to find true love and happiness. Your inferiority is inborn. End of story.
 |
| The incel idea about skull shape, intelligence and social acceptance is based on old fashioned eugenics, a pseudo-science Nazis used to prove that the Aryan race were superior to everyone else. The incels think of themselves as inferior males, and therefore a lost cause in evolutionary thinking. |
When you have lived as long as I have, you know that this is a pile of sexist, misogynistic and simplistic bullshit. I believe that all the men I grew up with as a kid, have found love at one time or another – many of them two, three or four times!
Most of them have procreated, and are therefore winners in the evolutionary race, if you care for that sort of thing.
The same is true for most of the women I have known in my life.
I am not saying that their lives have been rosy or that there have not been complications. There always are. But to me they prove that there is someone for everyone, if you keep looking.
The great majority of my childhood male acquaintances were never "alpha males" in the stereotypic muscular, superattractive and hypermasculine way, in the same way very few of their partners were blonde bimbo-like "Stacys", as the incels call their idea of feminine superiority.
I think, in fact, that the reason so many of the men I knew at the time did succeed, was precisely because the women they lived and live with are not bimbos, but real, complex human beings. As are they.
 |
| Chad alpha male skull to the left, incel skull to the right. The illustration perfectly fits the old Nazi racist division between superior Nordic and inferior Alpine races. The incel theory is just recycled racist bigotry. (Illustration from incel forum.) |
Alt-right terminology
The incel way of thinking is clearly associated with the hypermasculine ideals of the extreme right. Popular American right wing terms reflect a similar view of dominance and submission.
In the alt-right lingo "beta males" are weak and emasculated. "Cucks" are treacherous conservatives, a term that refer to inferior men who are cuckolded by their women. "Masculinists" celebrate "manliness" and the traditional "heroic" nature of men.
 |
| The alpha male ideals of incels and the alt-right reflects the masculine ideals of Nazism. |
But the despair is real and understandable
Since I was pretty nerdy myself when young, I know the experience they are describing: the despair and loneliness and also how easy it is to wallow in that feeling.
Natalie Wynn does too, which is why she begs everyone who are caught up in the online incel forums to get out of there before it is too late.
Please note that I am not saying that the social exclusion of incels is all in their heads. People can be ruthless, and the more a society values stereotypical hypermasculine traits and behaviors, the easier it is for bullies, male or female, to use those stereotypes to put others down.
I have lost count of how many times I was called a "sissy" or a "girl" when I was a kid. If you were bad a sports, you were a loser for sure.
The problem with incel culture is that they have adopted these stereotypes, and that stops incels from seeing the amazing diversity of humanity, and the fact that a large number of women find the Chads primitive and superficial. They just as often fall for humor, brains or kindness.
Alphas and betas and crossdreamer fantasies
Natalie draws an interesting parallell between the incel obsession with skull shapes and the transgender fear of not passing. In the same way incels have their deepest insecurities amplified in such forums, male to female crossdreamers and transgender people may too.
Indeed, you can find quite a few gender variant people in these forums, as Natalie points out. This participation often stops them from moving on in life. If you are told over and over again that you look too masculine to be ever able to pass as a woman, you may easily end up in the same kind of emotional paralysis as the incels.
(Natalie was told the same thing, by the way, and look at her now!)
The irony is of course, that it is the Chad type who would face the biggest problem if they wanted to transition and live like a woman, but again: Theories like these are never truly rational.
 |
| Incel philosophy is full of stereotypes. Women are also divided into winners and losers, although even the "Beckys" are considered winners in the sex race these days. None of this adds up. |
There is one aspect of the connection between incel philosophy and gender variant lives Natalie does not bring up. This is how this sexist and misogynistic view of both men and women may influence the erotic fantasies of crossdreamers. Such fantasies are most clearly expressed in the "sissy" subculture.
As I have said repeatedly on this blog: The sexual fantasies of most people are weird and full of clichés and stereotypes. They are fantasies, and most people are able to distinguish between fantasies and real life.
This is why, for instance, some people engage in sexual role play, where the roles are taken out of cliché-ridden movies, books, porn or soap operas, not real life (like in sexy nurses and muscular plumbers). People in the BDSM community do not confuse sexual submission with social submission. In other words: Having submissive feminization fantasies does not make you a bad person. But treating a woman like shit does.
There is a connection between incel philosophy and at least parts of sissy subculture erotica. You find the same dichotomy between muscular and well hung alpha males and weak and inferior beta males. It is the beta males that are feminized in such fantasies and made to serve the alphas.
My hypothesis is that such scenarios become arousing for some male to female crossdreamers, because they solve several dilemmas at the same time:
- You are forced (or tricked) into becoming a woman (or a feminized man), so you cannot be blamed for giving up your male privileges.
- As a sex tool, you no longer have to fear rejection from women.
- You get all the sex you can dream about.
- Your perceived inferiority and humiliation is eroticized and gives you pleasure. This is also why they use a slur like "sissy" to describe themselves.
To the extent the crossdreamer sees this – and is not gender dysphoric – such fantasies are mostly harmless. For some they are an important part of the road to self-discovery. If that is the case, suppressing them would do more harm than good. For others the fantasies are just some kind of kinky spice that animates their sex life. If that's the case, let them be!
If the crossdreamer believes that these roles are real, however, and that the pseudo-Darwinistic nonsense about dominant alpha males and submissive bimbos reflects real life, the fantasies can be destructive.
For the MTF crossdreamer who is anchored in a male identity, these ideas will stop him from seeing women as they truly are, which again makes it impossible for them to establish any true love relationship with any of them.
If the MTF crossdreamer is a gender dysphoric transgender woman, she may give up finding a new life at the very start of her journey, because her female role models are both unrealistic and destructive.
The autogynephilia theory grew out of the same sexist binaries
If you wonder why some male to female crossdreamers fall for Ray Blanchard's "autogynphilia" theory, this incel/sissy paradigm may explain why.
 |
| J. Michael Bailey's roots in eugenics thinking is most clearly expressed in his idea that homosexuality is an evolutionary mistake and that it might – if possible – make sense to abort homosexual fetuses. He has written a book about autogynephilia, full of transphobic and sexist stereotypes. |
The thinking of Blanchard and his friend and follower J. Michael Bailey has grown out of a field of science called "evolutionary psychology", which has an unbroken tradition all the way back to 19th and 20th century eugenics and racial and criminal "hygiene". He lives in a world where the main objective for all living things is healthy procreation, which leaves a very narrow room for sound and "normal" sexuality.
Like the incels, Blanchard & Co. have a very constricted views of gender roles. Successful men are masculine and attractive women are feminine. As nearly all evolutionary psychologists they belive evolution is leading towards a clearer dichotomy between the masculine and the feminine, both as regards looks and behavior.
In such a world, "men" who dream about being "women" can only be considered remotely successful if they manage to live up to the sexist stereotype of attractive women. This leaves some room for the androphilic "early onset" trans woman if she is extremely good looking, since she – according to this tragic view – is an effeminate gay man who knows how to attract straight men. ("He" is still a pervert, though, since all homosexuals are, according to this view of sex and gender.)
In sissy fantasies this scenario leaves room for a life as a feminized, sexy, "man" or desirable transgender porn star. Most MTF crossdreamers, though, do not have the potential for the hyperfeminine porn star bodies we are talking about here (in the same way most cis women don't), so they fall back onto self loathing and self flagellation.
The autogynephilia theory gives them what their feeling of inferiority demands, however: It tells them they are sexual perverts in love with their inner woman. They are "paraphiliacs" suffering from an "erotic target location error", unable to find true love out in the real world. Heck, Blanchard even believes the condition is inborn. The crossdreamer therefore becomes the ultimate incel. There is nothing to be done.
If they are stuck in that hell hole, the crossdreamers will – obviously – not even try to find love, seemingly confirming what Blanchard says. They are "autoerotic narcissists". Besides: What woman would be attracted to a male to female crossdreamer, right? (Quite a few, it turns out, but this is not about reality.) It all becomes a self fulfilling prophesy, just like in the world of incels.
I think we constantly underestimate the kind of damage such theories and narratives can do to a person, which is why we constantly and persistently have to provide our transgender sisters and brothers with alternative stories and concepts.
(Thanks to Lain for drawing my attention to the ContraPoints video).
Ewwwww..... After reading this, I think I need a shower.
ReplyDeleteThis really scared me. My father was a misogynist, could have been an incel, but he did not have an internet, he was born in 1913, and his mother died in 1919 from in the Swine Flue Epidemic. The old man had a serious distrust and negative tone toward women, despite looking MUCH like actor JOHN FORD. I was born when he was age 40, and he had no idea of how to raise a family. Consequently, I and my brother grew up with a lot of the behaviour problems the incels complain about. Mind you, I am well beyond such behaviours (in a GOOD WAY!) I am not so sure of my brother, 2 years my younger.
Justhad a most strange flashback, recalled my childhood, seeing the old 'Popeye' cartoons, with Popeye, Bluto (nee Brutis), and Olive Oyl, thinking that was the way men and women interacted. Talk about warped....