What does the word "gender" really mean?

The main problem with the term gender is that it is not referring to one phenomenon only, but many. It is this ambiguity of language that makes discussions so confusing. But it also this complexity that makes the topic so interesting. 

The reason for this ambiguity is that the language most people use today has been developed within a culture that requires you think of male and female as "natural" and mutually exclusive. Moreover, these concepts of male and female are supposed to determine everything you are or can do.

However, reality does not care. Nature does not care. And everyone violates these rules on a daily basis. Everyone!

Here are the most important phenomena referred to as "gender":

Biological sex

Biological sex refers to what is called "gametes", as in sperm and egg. Gametes are real, so biological sex is real. 

Still, the two sexes are not mutually exclusive. Nature throws a lot of dice that comes up intersex, with different chromosomes (as in XY women and XX men) and a wide variety of ambiguous genitalia and sex characteristics.

Many species reproduced by way of gametes, as in human sperm an eggs. Other species have other ways of continuing the species.

By the way: Not even post-modernist gender philosophers deny the existence of gametes.  They are simply pointing out that our understanding of what the existence of biological sex means for our daily lives is colored by culture, and that the scientists themselves are also influenced by culture when they develop and present their theories. 

They are right about this, and scientists may also change their views based on new concepts and new ideals developed elsewhere. Homosexuality and gender dysphoria are, for instance, no longer seen as mental illnesses.  

Note also the way transphobes try to present  the statement "gender is the same as biological sex" as science. That statement represents, at best, 19th century science. I know of no serious scientists today – whether they come from the natural sciences or from the social ones – that argue that the complexity of cultural gender can be reduced to gametes, genitalia or chromosomes. 

Cultural gender

Throughout the ages various cultures have created an insane number of social rules as to how men and women should dress and behave. A Roman man would not be caught dead in trousers. Most cis/het American men today will not be seen in a toga ("Eeeeek! A dress!!!)

The current idea of pink being a girl's color and blue being for boys is a 20th century has no foundation in nature. Previously red was a male color ("fire!!!") and blue was a female color ("calm serenity"). 

Some cultures have more than two genders. Cultural gender is definitely a social construct.

One of the benefits of traveling around the world is that you will have your cultural prejudices challenged by reality. In many Arab countries pink remains a male color, while many Asians cultures do not see blue as a male color. The blue/pink gender color scheme  is definitely a social construct. (Photo of Barbie and Ken dolls.)

Gender identity

Gender identity refers to our gendered sense of self, i.e. to what extent we fundamentally experience ourselves as men, women or something else.

Cis people rarely reflect on this, since their assigned gender at birth fits their experienced gender. The very existence of transgender people, however, tells us that there is no one to one relationship between gender identity, assigned gender and/or biological sex.

This is why transphobes try so desperately to prove that trans folks do not exist. It is weird, I know. The TERFs and the Fascists apparently spend a lot of time harassing people that do not do not exist.

Gender expression

I have given up trying to find a fundamental and unambiguous definition of "masculine", "feminine" or "androgynous". Since cultural gender varies from (sub)culture to (sub)culture, epoch to epoch, these concepts have to be fluid and imprecise. The same applies to "maleness" and "femaleness."

Still, it is an undeniable fact that people use clothes and interests and mannerisms to express themselves. It is also an undeniable fact that gender expression does not have to fit concepts of biological sex, cultural gender or gender identity. Life is messy, and that is a good thing.

Many male K-pop stars are known for their ultra-feminine gender expression. This does not mean that they are gay. This does not mean that they are trans, either. It is simply that this kind of feminine masculinity appeal to their target audience: Young women and girls. This tells us that the stereotypes of culture (and even science) are just that: stereotypes.

Sexual attraction

Sexual orientation is clearly separate from all of the above. Yet, a lot of traditionalists insists that sexual orientation must follow the script of stereotypical cis man meeting stereotypical cis woman. 

Lesbian "gender critical" TERFs seem to argue that their sexual attraction to other women is based on those women's genitalia. I don't know how they navigate that complexity. I am afraid to ask.

The fact is that sexual orientation is a separate dimension that exists in parallel to those listed above.

Grammatical class

Gender is also a term used to refer to a grammatical class found in many languages, like my own. Norwegian. Indeed, the word "gender", as used in the examples above,  has been adopted from linguistics. 

You might think grammatical gender would follow at cultural gender or biological sex, but the fact is that whether a thing is masculine, feminine, neuter or something else is pretty random and will vary from language to language, and from dialect to dialect. In Norwegian the word for woman may be feminine "kvinna" or masculine (!!!) "kvinnen". 

So there you have it: The term "grammar" is used to describe a lot of phenomena, phenomena that have little in common. It is clear that the English language is too crude to be able to describe the nuances of sex and gender, and that this hinders communication and understanding. If we can get behind the words we use, we may experience life in richer and more meaningful ways.

Introducing the grammatical term "gender" to address culture has been of help, for sure, but it it clearly not sufficient. We need new words to capture the complexity of all of this.